Whether you believe Ensidia or not seems to be largely related to if you are European or an Americunt.

Either way there are more pressing matters to discuss which not many people have picked up upon.   What are these issues which are more important than top-end guild ban dramas?  Simple:  It’s too easy to gear alts.

No I’m not talking about ’scrubs’ getting gear for completing join-the-dots level difficulty encounters.  I’m talking about how good players, decent players like you and me, inevitably end up filling the lack of raid time in the week with the creation of more and more alts.  This wasn’t such a problem back in the day when it took a long time to get to levelcap, as most of the time was spent leveling the alt up to 80 only to come to the realization that you couldn’t get any decent gear on it for shit because you couldn’t even get heroic groups.   But now, all you have to do is type in the name of your character and you’re practically at level cap within a day.  Couple with that the relative ease of getting gear on your new level 80 the problem becomes more realistic.

Now I’ve probably lost you.  What is the problem with being able to gear up alts nicely in 3.3?  Well you may ask, because not so long ago I was even rejoicing at the fact that my warrior, shadowpriest, deathknight, hunter, paladin, rogue.. …. would soon be decked in 232.  And therein lies the problem.  The cycle has changed to allow you to gear but the inevitable conclusion to gearing an alt with the best gear you can get from heroics/pugs is that where do you go then?  The only answer is raiding.

This in itself isn’t new – hardcore players have been running alt raids for a long time.  Usually only 1 alt per person though, players would raid on a main and then their alt every week.  Few players had more than 1 alt that they raided on, but that has now changed from the combination of 3.3 (specifically dungeon queue system) making it easy to gear up other wise forgotten level 80s.  Raiding on 3 or more chars a week has the following consequences.  Either the player has a lot of spare time and embraces the extra play time and learns more class abilities and becomes more versitile.  OR: he/she comes to one solid realization that none of these characters are likely to ever see anything like BiS gear setups before the new Expansion hits, at which time the gear will become worthless anyway.  Added to the issue of raiding the same dungeons 2x per character per week …  Sure the realization requires something who thinks cynically and in the long term more than the short term – but even for the most ADHD addled player there will be the nagging doubt in their mind.

If you do come to the latter conclusion, the future only holds distraction and boredom with the game in general.  Such boredom may well infect your desire to gear your main character too – which can prove fatal.  All that is required next is something to happen in real life which requires you to take a few days away from the game, may be you miss 1 raid at a crucial point and that’s it.

You’re done until the expansion hits.

Yeah, before that.

I’ve got to say that I’m enjoying the random heroic system, mainly because I play characters who have their main spec as either healing or tanking, or if they are dps then they probably _can_ tank or heal.  (If you’re just a solo dps char like a warlock, hunter or rogue I’m sure you  are loving the 15 min queues).  I’m making good use of it right now, since Blizz has deemed it fit to reduce DK tanks into a laughable subset of tanking only fit for flame wars between guilds.  “Lol that guild is so bad they actually have a DK maintank ROFL” and etc. I basically stopped playing my DK tank, because it’s shit now, and re-geared my dps warrior as a tank, the process of which took about 6 hours from zero tanking gear to full 232 set, 232 wep, 245 bracers and rings and sitting pretty at a reasonably respectable 35k hp unbuffed.  Got some way to go, shit trinkets and a shit ring along with a shit shield – but not far off, and it was pretty funny how at least in heroics my new tonk-warrior was doing way more threat than my DK can ever do, even with a PERFECT cycle, just by pretty much spamming 3 buttons all the time with an initial shockwave per pack.  But that’s another rant for another day. So yeah, from the perspective of alt gearing I do like the random dungeons.  In fact I really like them, there’s not much wrong with the idea and for once I find myself sitting with the Devs – even if they are usually a bunch of useless pricks.

However – as is so often the case in these modern days of increasing obesity in the young generation – there is a big fat BUT(T) that comes crushing down on everyone’s good times.  The “But” in question here is the issue of instant-dungeon porting.  Wait isn’t that a good thing? No longer having to fly all the way to far flung dungeons like The Oculus.  Well, you might be fooled at first into thinking so, however after a few days of it you begin to realise that this feature has pretty massive game-changing consequences.

Once the novelty wears off you realise that with instant porting what exactly is the point of having a game world at all?  People don’t fly to dungeons any more and suddenly you realise the only reasons to actually venture outside a major city of your choice is to do daily quests or fly to a raid (and how long will that remain?).  Just like that world pvp @ dungeon portals is removed, any sense of size in the world is reduced significantly because of not having to take time to travel and we all might as well be playing Guild Wars.  I’d be willing to bet 1/2 the people who’ve completed the trio of new Icecrown 5 mans haven’t even seen what the outside area looks like at all and don’t know how to get there – unless they wiped a few times.

One of the other major issues is with cross-realm players.  Again, at first this is awesome – your healer decides to fuck off or disconnect for ages so you can suddenly automatically find a replacement within minutes rather than the group usually breaking up as happened before.  However, do a few more heroics and you realise that actually this benefit is far outweighed by the fact that people in full-xrealm groups where no one is from their server are FAR more likely to be pricks to everyone.  And by being pricks I mean doing things like leaving a group as soon as the boss they needed loot from has died, rolling need on stuff that they cant even use or whatever and no one having any recourse.  And my most favourite one, /follow someone and /afk for 15 minutes – YOU CANT EVEN KICK THESE FUCKERS.  They literally just run around collecting badges for the bosses you kill and you cant kick them for 15 minutes or some crap it’s total horse shit.

Right now you’re either agreeing with me or thinking that you’ve been pretty lucky and not seen any of the above mentioned issues with the system.  Well there’s one further issue which I can pretty much guarantee you will have seen.  In fact I believe it’s so common that it has allowed me to reverse-engineer the algorithm for how the system finds you a dungeon for your daily 2x frost badges.  This algorithm is shown below in pseudocode:

if (playerName == "Cows" && randomDungeonsCompletedToday < 1) then
  chanceOfOculus = "High";
  numLowGearedXRealmDPS = 3;
  tankGearLevel = "Low";
  tankInteligenceLevel = "Labotomized Gibbon";
fi

1. Level an alt
2. Pvp on a level 80 main or alt
3. Pvp on a lowbie alt

Number 1 was quickly removed from the running, partially because I actually have no spare character slots any more, and more so because I know that really I have too many level 80s as it is and I’ve barely logged in 1/2 of them for more than 5 minutes in the last few months.  Option 2 would be where most people turn to in times like these, after all if you enjoy BG pvp it’s pretty quick and fast paced action at the touch of a queue button.  However, this really depends on what characters you have at level 80 and their gear level.

The choices I have on my level 80 characters are as follows: Druid, Deathknight, Warrior, Hunter.  To the untrained eye it might seem at least 3 of those characters would be pretty awesome in BG pvp and should provide some fast fun for a few hours or so right?  Wrong, and here’s why:  My druid has only pve gear, admittedly very good pve gear but pve gear nonetheless and only spell damage pvp gear at that.  If I try to join a BG and heal I’ll get 2 shotted by pretty much any class with decent burst dps, If I try to go boomkin and do some damage it’s even worse mainly because of Blizzard’s utter refusal to even try and make boomkins viable in any kind of pvp.   So that’s the druid out.

The deathknight is in a similar situation to the druid,  full pve tanking gear and no pvp gear used to be reasonably fun in BGs like WSG as flag runners – but that got nerfed a fair bit so now you just get killed in a few seconds by any kind of focus fire and the abysmal damage you output in return just makes it feel like you’re hitting people with a particularly fluffy pillow.  I’m not complaining about my lack of pvp gear on any of these characters, more just the fact that If I want to just go and have some fun in a BG – I can’t without spending endless hours farming pvp gear and respeccing, which is precisely what I don’t currently have time to do.  So that’s the deathknight out.

Now the Hunter is my most recent level 80 and again, has no real pvp gear.  But actually on a hunter this doesn’t seem to matter because they’re so deliciously overpowered you can just stand around and completely rape whoever you like from 45 yards away.  Killing casters with a hunter is rather like killing flies as one of those blue electric fly killer lights.  It’s quite a funny situation when the sheer amount of push back to their spells coming out of your auto shots and  pet attacks is enough to reduce them to gibbering wrecks of around 40% hp before they even get 1 cast off.  But it is precisely this reason which causes me to become very very bored of playing this character in any kind of BG, it’s just too easy.  So that’s the hunter out.

Finally my warrior, he actually has pvp gear – albeit mostly hateful and deadly but still it’s not too bad.  The problem with warriors in BGs that I’ve always found is it’s super fucking boring unless you have a pet healer.  If you’re in a bg where there are no, or few, healers then the amount of fun you can have is severely handicapped.  This is probably down to personal preference but, although warrior was my first ever char to reach level cap in vanilla, I just find them to be too dependant on other people in the BG to be particularly fun to play for some relaxing ownage.

Cows started life as a twink in BC

This pretty much rules out the whole of option 2.  In conclusion I’d say that none of the current level 80s I have is good for some quick fun action, except the hunter – but with the hunter you just feel like you’d get more of a challenge out of playing ping-pong against a guy with no arms.  So what about option 3?  It looks like an attractive prospect and before I start I should have a slightly disclaimer that I have done twink pvp before and really enjoyed it.

The problem with twink pvp nowadays is, you can’t actually do it.  Since blizzard decided that they’d allow xp in BGs when levelling (a good idea btw), they allowed a ‘turn off xp gain’ option for twinks.  They cited that twinks wanted this option, which is technically true – it certainly makes it easier to gear your twink up when you don’t have to worry about gaining a few xp in a dungeon from a boss kill which drops an item you really need.  And of course since BGs were going to give xp, this option was needed for people who wanted to remain in their twink bracket.  However what they weren’t bargaining for was the massive level of retardation that Blizzard decided to inflict on this section of it’s paying customers for no apparent reason.  In a bid to make ‘normal players’ (read: casuals) able to level in in the BGs without the nasty mean twinks from killing them, Blizzard decided to make anyone who had turned their xp-gain off have a separate queue from those who had it turned on.  The consequence of this being that no-one who has their xp turned off can get any BGs to proc because in most brackets (except for 10-19) there aren’t enough people with it turned off to create even 1 WSG.  I can’t imagine them being unable to see the consequence of this change, and so I can only conclude that they intended to be total cunts to the twink community from the start.

Beefsausage showed rogues who was boss

The whole thing was nonsensical anyway, does it really matter if twinks completely rape non twinks in lowbie BGs?  Not really because both sides will have their own twinks, and xp gained in a BG is not based on kills, but based on objectives such as flag captures and winning the match.  Most WSGs before the change in 40-49 bracket, where I used to have a shaman, were about 2-4 twinks per side.  Now that bracket is totally dead except for 1 WSG that sometimes appears in peak times for a few hours.  If you turn your xp back on, you see there are actually 7-9 WSGs open.  This means that often these brackets are completely unplayable and twinking is now broken.

The only alternative for people like me is to level chars up in BGs and just go from bracket to bracket while dinging and never turning off XP.  However,  there are a few problems with this, mainly that the brackets themselves are far too big.  Because of the 10 level breakdown, when you first enter a bracket at level 10 – you are completely useless and get 1 shotted all the time until you are about 15.  Then you have some fun from 15-19 and then ding 20 and back to being 1 shotted for the next 5 levels, this is not fun.  Ok, doing the ‘leveling up in bgs’ thing is a reasonably alternative to twink pvp, but the brackets need to be in 5 level granularity rather than 10.  BGs of 20-24 and 25-29 and etc would make this much more fun than it currently is.

Twinking was always very popular

But why do I want to pvp at low level anyway?  Im sure some people reading this are asking something along those lines, and the reason is quite simple.  Low level pvp is more fun because there are less abilities, less cooldowns and overall a lot less damage flying around.  Fight last a lot longer in general, and require you to do way more things.   Look at level 80 pvp, a warlock casts 2 spells in under 2.5 seconds and hits you for 10k.  Burst damage is king and far too much of it has been added to classes that never really needed it in the first place.  But it’s not only this, another reason for low level pvp being fun is that you’re still leveling – as you level through a bracket you’re gaining new abilities and becoming stronger.  At level 80 this character progression is severely limited, you no longer ding and so you already have all the abilities you’re ever going to get – nothing new and shiny on the horizon.  Coupled with this it’s basically just a grind at level 80 to gain the honour items you require – gear is the only progression, and it’s a limited progression because you can’t even get the best gear in BGs you have to arena for that.

But what if you don’t like arena?  Large swathes of the wow population have been saying this for a long time – Arena sucks, participation in an active arena team has dropped to new lows, barely 30% of players even bother doing their 10 games a week while even less actually play it actively.  Arena’s problems stem from the fact that this game will never be balanced, often certain comps are vastly superior to others – coining the notion that arena is 90% comp 6% lag and 4% skill.

Omg mojo on a level 39 mad hax

As a result, it is not uncommon for people to play lowbie pvp and then delete the character and remake it once they hit lvl 30.  Why would people who already have level 80s do this unless it was more fun?  So why did Blizzard kill this? Why did they ruin a perfectly good and fun part of the game?  I think it was mostly down to the bad press, twinks were the evil people who ’spent too much money on lowbie characters’ and ‘only liked killing people who were vastly lower geared’.  These were typical of the nonsense statements bounded around on the forums by people who had their grey-geared level 10 rogue 1 shotted by  someone who actually spent a bit of time on their gearing.  Afterall twinking still happens at level 80, unless you think it’s a fair fight you’re getting between a 213 geared guy and someone with 251 gear.

This only a slight exaggeration of what happened with the twitter event.

It’s not for want of decent questions being asked, but these were just glossed over and instead questions as fucking stupid as “When Race change is live will we be able to change to any race in our faction no matter what class we are?”.  Pretty much the standard deal with Blizzard, answer only the questions which fall into one of three categories:

1. Questions you’ve already answered before.
2. Questions that have no relevance for anyone except the person asking, because he/she is probably mentally retarded.
3. Questions in which you can easily answer something along the lines of “We’re not sure yet” or “We have no plans yet” without seeming like total douche bags.

Almost all the questions about Icecrown and/or Cataclysm were things that had already been answered at Blizzcon.  While actual informed questions such as anything along the lines of “Do you really think raiders like raiding 5 of the same bosses 4+ times in one night?” or “Why is it that you deem the 3.2 content patch a success when it is universally loathed by all but the most casual of casual players?” are simply ignored.

No but it would be far too much to ask that they actually answer any of the tougher questions or questions which would provide us with new insight into how they manage to release content which is so obviously flawed even after over 5 years of experience.  Somehow they seem to think that players of this game actually like the idea of being forced to go back to old raid dungeons and heroics in order to get their CC upgrades, and soon their Icecrown upgrades.  Newsflash for them, WotLK heroics were a fucking joke even at the start of the expansion – why the fuck do you think we want to keep fucking doing them every fucking content patch.  Are they getting any better? No they’re just getting even more faceroll, boredom and burnout inducing than before every time.  The only idea that I can conceive which they must have in their heads to make them force us though these hell-pits every patch is that they want new players and newly dinged 80s to have someone to group with.  But that doesn’t happen even on a highly populated server like mine – all that happens is that heroic PuGs start asking for better and better gear. And understandably won’t take anyone without full 213/226 gear into their group for Oculus because they want to get the whole thing over as soon as possible, but like a bad case of genital herpes it just keeps fucking coming back.

When most of us saw this there was a collective sigh of relief.  Thank you Jesus for making Blizzard realise they completely ruined the game with their 4 lockout system for Crusaders Coliseum.  I’m really not a religious person but you can see why I was beginning to think that only the divine would shake the current design team off their self destructive path. Apparently us players of the game weren’t enough to do so before the events of 3.2 so it stood to reason that the thousands of people shouting ‘4 lockouts fucking sucks’ at the top of their forum-voices while 3.2 was on PTR wasn’t enough.  And the many many more that did so after 10 and 25 heroic became unlocked on live, but by then it was too late of course.

If only we had some kind of test realm in which to test whether ideas are total shit or not.  What’s that? We do? Oh yeah the PTR where they ignore any and all player feedback unless it relates to a game breaking bug – and sometimes even just ignore those too.  I often wonder why they even put patches on the PTR, because it certainly isn’t for player feedback.  If it was then the hardmodes in Ulduar 3.1 would have been tuned because the majority of raider feedback was basically ‘easy modes are probably a bit hard for the average player and hard modes are really too easy’.  And yet nothing was done about them, until after some guilds had already killed them on live and the moving of the goalposts had to happen.  I mean does anyone even remember the Hodir hardmode changes?  3 Minutes to kill him at live, which was reasonably easy since all it took was a bit of lucky RNG with clouds and crap and may be some mage stacking and you had it.  So a guild kills it, they instantly nerf it to 2.5 minutes which is still doable and so it gets nerfed again to 2 minutes which was completely impossible without using the flowerpower buff (which also gets hot fixed within a few hours).  So now we have a few guilds who killed the boss on hard and have their sigil and can progress, while the rest of us are sitting around with our dicks hanging out waiting for Blizzard to realise that the fight is actually now completely impossible until they nerf it.  This shows how the design process at Blizzard is completely flawed, they obviously didn’t do much testing on the fights to see if the hardmodes were doable or not – and when people killed them faster than they anticipated they moved the goalposts, thus giving a big fuck you to any guilds who were a few steps behind.  Clearly the timers for Hodir were completely made up on the spot, they were arbitrary time limits not based on any kind of data (which is available even to players…) on even theoretical maximum dps available in that fight, just picked in a meeting as sounding nice with no other reasoning behind them.

Apart from the goalpost moving wrecking the progression in the early days of Ulduar, all in all it was a great dungeon.  A definite step forward as I’ve already said in previous posts on the subject, optional hardmodes within the same lockout is king.  Which brings me back on topic, although I’m not too keen on the idea of some kind of interface to switch between normal and hardmode versions of an encounter (I much preferred the Ulduar way of having an in-game switch such as Mimiron’s button or Flame Lev’s towers), but at least we don’t have the utter raid killing, burnout inducing retardation that was and is the Crusaders Coliseum lockouts.

So far most of my criticism of CC has been based around the lockouts and the snorefest that is clearing 3-4 of them each on 3 different characters every week.  I mean to be honest I’ve even stopped clearing them on my hunter simply because I can’t stand it any more – clearing 3x on my deathknight and 4x on my druid is already enough to make me want to quit, but that’s a different story.  I’ve not really touched on the 50 tries problem much, but of course this contributes just as much to the suck of CC as the lockouts do.  In previous raid instances the main tool for progression has been trial and error, for a bleeding edge guild when you reach a new fight the first thing you do is pull it and see what the fuck happens then keep pulling it until you work out exactly what is happening and how to beat the fight.  This is how WoW has worked since molten core.  But no more, not in cc25 – Blizzard thought it would be a good idea to replace this tried, tested and much loved play-style with a new one.  This new one essentially consists of sitting around and talking about an upcoming pull for around 30-40 minutes beforehand.  Then you pull and hopefully kill the boss, then you need to sit and discuss the next pull for 30 mins while waiting for all your combat rez, soulstone and bloodlust debuff timers to go away.

On top of all of this, they had the shear bare faced cheek to name the achievements you get for clearing the instance with lots of tries left after different levels of Skill.  Skill? Are you sure? Oh right yeah because it’s pretty much a testament to a raid’s skill that they manage to play for 2 hours continuously without 1 disconnect within a fight, or 1 tiny piece of server lag, or 1 computer crashing in all that time.  Two cross-raid healers disconnect on Twins thus there is not enough healing and the raid wipes, the counter ticks down from 50 to 49, “Sorry you are not skilled enough this week!”.

A tribute to skill, mad skill and insanity? More like a tribute to luck.

Rubbish :/

Essentially the event boiled down to, if you fly to Booty Bay and talk to an npc, you get turned into a pirate for 12 hours and a 10 point achievement. Thats it, no quest to complete, nothing else – just that. The whole thing just felt like it was cobbled together in about an hour by one of Blizzard’s interns when he/she was bored. I mean OK it’s a one day event so don’t expect massive amounts of content, but the problem was that even the stuff they did didn’t work properly. The 12 hour pirate suit could have easily be made pretty cool but it wasn’t, and to top it off if you mounted on a flying mount it any where near Dalaran it would disappear (why???).

As we know from Halloween’s in game events the whole shape shift thing can be done very well. It’s pretty fun during those two weeks when you’re raiding and half the people are ghosts or orange zombies or whatever, that is cool. The same at winter veil when 1/2 the raid is a tiny green Xmas gnome, it’s not like I’m super giddy about it though, being a druid kind of sucks when any form you shift into removes whatever cool shape shift you had.  I don’t really understand why they couldn’t make these shape shifts stay on druids but only show when in caster form – so you don’t get your cool gnome costume removed just because you needed to actually play your class for a second.  But back to the point, why did they make this pirate costume so fucking shit?  Firstly it’s not a random pirate costume for everyone – it’s just a white shirt on whatever race/gender combo your character is – which is boring.  This could have been cool still if they had made the buff persist through death and basically not be removed by anything except it’s eventual timeout.  Then we would have had full servers of pirate hatted people (again, except the druids *shakes fist*) which would have been okay.  They also could have made you randomly shout/say/emote piratey things, or added ‘arr!’ randomly to the end of everyones sentences (same mechanic as the ’sh’, and ‘..hic!’ when someone is drunk) – this would have been pretty fucking funny IMO. Also it is meant to be parodying the ‘talk like a pirate day’ in RL so why not actually do that, cmon imagine gchat and /2 filled with random …arr! and stuff.

Everyone loves Halloween

In reality there’s about one thousand things they could have done to make this 1 day ‘event’ (again, don’t really class it as an event…) a lot of fun, and yet none of it was done and a lot of the improvements are really really simple too.  It’s a shame really because a lot of what they’ve done in the past with holiday events has been good – I already mentioned Halloween which is probably my favorite in game holiday event. The absolute worst thing, however, is I was really looking forward to the ‘Day of the Dead’ one day event.  After seeing this pirate’s day piece of shit I’ve changed my mind. A lot of us were hoping that day of the dead would be a revisiting of the WotLK launch event where there was a zombie infection that could be spread (turning people into zombies).  This was by far the best event Blizzard has ever done and having this come back for just one day a year would be pretty awesome.  It looks like day of the dead will just be something crap like this though, talk to some random npc in a graveyard and collect your 10 achievement points, yay. In typical forum style I give this event 1/10.  Mainly due to the potential it had, which it didn’t even try to live up to.

It doesn’t look like I’m the only one with these sentiments either.

"Abandon all hope ye who pug in here"

So for the 4th time in a two week period the almighty random number generator has decided that Oculus is to be our daily heroic today.  What the fuck. When the daily is Oculus you better fucking hope that you get home in time from whatever you do to pass the daylight hours, in order to get into a guild group.  Because if you don’t you’re fucked.  The dungeon is designed so badly, it is the bane of every raider who still needs to farm triumph badgers.

If wow dungeons were school children, Oculus would be the boy at the back of the class who eats glue, draws cocks on the furniture and smells faintly of his own piss.

“But wait”, I hear you say, “I like Oculus and think it’s awesome”.  If you’re saying that then you should immediately delete your wow characters, format your c-drive and go and seek professional help for mental retardation.  This dungeon isn’t just bad, I’m pretty sure it’s actually evil.  It’s like they took every aspect of the game which was annoying and buggy and shoved all those ideas into 1 place, and then made it have an extra long corpse run just for good measure.

So lets go through a few of the main factors that make a shit WotLK dungeon shall we?

1. Place it a fucking long way from Dalaran?  Check.
2. Put random pathing agro mobs around the summoning stone? Check.
   

   FUCK OFF YOU DISEMBODIED COCK

3. Lots of shitty caster mob trash that doesn’t let u pull stuff properly? Check.
4. Vehicles? Check.
5. Mobs that are immune to specific damage types (fire, frost, nature etc)? Check.
6. Possibility to get lost if you haven’t done it before?  Fucking big check.
7. Gimmicky boss design which only seems to exist to annoy the fuck out of people?  Check.
8. Lots of moving or waiting around for stuff and very little actual killing? Check.
9. Insta-kill boss abilities that pretty much 1 shot ppl who don’t know about them? Check.
10. Buggy crap trash mobs that will agro you in the middle of a boss fight for no apparent reason?  Check.

So you’re starting a pug for Oculus because, like me, you really do need those 2 triumph badgers and everyone else in the guild has already done it OR told you to fuck off (the sensible ones) and flatly wont do it no matter what.  The first hurdle is actually managing to get people to do the dungeon, even on daily day very few people are willing to do this piece of shit which can make getting a trade / lfg pug difficult.

Lets assume that we have a group now, so the fighting already starts on who should have to fly all the fucking way out to the ass end of nowhere in order to summon, usually it ends up that I’m flying no matter what.  It’s either that or wait 3 hours for one of the brain dead troop in my group to realise no one is going to summon his lazy fat arse.  Now you’re at the stone, where there are probably 1 billion alliance all having a tea party because apparently alliance fucking love this dungeon or some shit and can’t get enough of flying around on their red penis drakes like the fucking RPers.  So after you’ve painfully waited for them to summon their oculus-loving brethren and fuck off, you start summoning your failboat group and it seems like every fucking pink arcane penis snake in the area just homes in on you and attacks one after the other.  Of course they wait until you think you’re safe to summon and then one spawns right behind you and spits it’s arcane spunk ball on you just as u have 0.5 seconds left on the summon.  All this and you’re not even in the fucking instance yet.

Once you actually make it inside, hopefully your server has been upgraded so the instance servers aren’t making people head butt the portal for 30 mins to get in, you buff and start going.  The tank probably hasn’t been here before and tries to ranged pull one of the whelps and then gets faceraped while you heal him and wait for him to realise that he needs to actually run into them.  You slowly make your way to the first boss, probably pulling agro on a shitload of whelps on the way which the tank and dps ignore, and you have to kill this fucking retarded boss who keeps porting you on top of him as if it’s some kind of punishment.  I mean does he smell or something? I guess it’s supposed to be annoying because you’re meant to be dodging the pink bomb things but since they hit for like 5 damage no one gives a crap and just heals through it.

Now the fun starts, your brainless team of cocks have no idea what colour drake to take so you explain it, and then they promptly take the wrong ones anyway.  You fly over to the first platform and start shooting mobs, then you realise your team is still fucking miles away and so u fly back and try not to die in the way and persuade them to just fucking follow you and kill stuff.  Oh and don’t forget, as you’re a healer on a healer class drake (green) anyone who dies while on a drake will blame you for not healing even though you fucking can’t until the final boss anyway.

Somehow you manage to lead your merry band of retards to the first boss, and you dismount and pull him, at which point one or more flying blue drake trash shits will add on you for no reason and probably start ice blasting you as the healer.  The chance of your group noticing this is pretty low so you will just have to heal through it and hope they kill the boss before you end up a frozen tree stump. Now the real fun, unless you’re running with a death knight for death grip – only the ranged dps can actually dps down the bugged trash drake shits  – wait you didn’t bring ranged dps or a death knight? Oh well you’re fucked then.

Now you’re at the middle boss who makes you fly around 3 platforms killing random crap before he’ll actually fight you.  And some of that crap are elementals which are immune to a few types of damage, which is always fun.  Finally you get to the central ring and fight this total cock of a boss, the dps get him down to about 20% and then he disappears and because they’re all idiots they don’t know why (even though you told them earlier, but who reads party chat anyway these days?).  By the time they realise what’s happening (or read your party chat msgs telling them to move the fuck behind a pillar) they’re too slow to get out because of the frost bombs and get 1 shotted.  You then end up killing the boss with tank dps and rezzing 3 guys afterwards.

You’re nearly there now though so you ignore the failures and get on up to the final boss.  Don’t even try to dismount and buff the drakes or anything because if you do some fucking cock will pull him and you’ll be left standing there with your dick hanging out waiting to die.  The last boss is always fun, and hey it’s easier now right? Because the gear makes the drakes scale upward? Right?  Well yeah but you’re in a pug so while you might be sitting pretty with a 110k hp green drake the guys actually doing the tanking and the damage are probably in quest blues and crap.  If by some massive miracle you actually manage to kill the final boss with your rag tag crew of brain farts then you’re finally free.  But wait! Just as you’re looting the chest (and someone is probably going to open the chest and then go AFK for 5 hours so u cant loot the fucking quest item anyway) some fucknut will pull one of the remaining whelps which will now come along and proceed to rape you from range while the quest green mage u brought tries to dps it down.  And if you die, well that’s just awesome – now you have to release, corpserun,  zone in,  run back to the first boss location, grab a new drake, fly up for 30 mins to get to the chest and finally loot your mother fucking quest item, hearthstone, call people cunts, leave the group and then your DSL will decide to disconnect until 03:01 the next day.